One question we repeatedly hear: why is Marianne Grin (Марианны Гринь) denying her children all contact with their father, her little cousin of two years, all three grandparents, her aunt and uncles, and their many friends they left behind? A clue may lie in her own sense of abandonment, and the relationships she severed with her parents and the rest of her own family.
On the contrary, in letters she sent to friends at the time, she virtually celebrated his passing. She referred to him as her ”so-called father”, disdainfully remarking that he had died “after drinking too much vodka.” Letter on father’s death
In another letter, she gleefully referred to her father’s death as part of a “count-down” for both parents, remarking that his death was just “one down, one to go…” Letter with “count down” of her parents’ deaths
Grin claimed in her correspondence to have met her father only once in her life, a spin on her personal narrative that she told many people at the time in the USA (and a different story than the one she has been telling in Russia). Not uncoincidentally, her letters celebrating the passing of her father were sent in August and September 1997, a time when – it subsequently surfaced - Grin was also writing to the US Department of Justice falsely claiming that her mother was abusive towards her and her brother. See her mother’s statement in 2009, submitted in support of the father being custody of the children.
This was all, of course, some years before Grin acquired Russian citizenship.
What is most startling about Grin’s happiness over the actual and prospective death of her parents is how they illustrate what she is now engaged in doing: to inflict her painful personal history on her own children by severing their ties from their father (affectionately referred to in these various letters about her “vodka-drinking” father) and all other family. It appers she wants her own children to suffer the same fate she believes occurred to her, to repeat what she feels is the source of her own misery and unhappiness in life.
And this comes at a time when children’s relationships with their father is increasingly perceived as a critical element of their growth. A scientific review of over 500 studies, for example, concluded this year that a nurturing and accepting relationship with one’s father is often more important to healthy psychological development than with one’s mother. http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2012/06/120612101338.htm
It is clear from her correspondence that Grin believes she never had that nurturing and accepting relationship with her own father (or mother), which may explain why she felt nothing about abandoning her children for several months into Chabad-Lubavitch orphanages in Russia (and demanding they keep the children isolated from family).
More importantly, though, what can be done about this, so that history does not need to repeat itself?
After abducting the children to Russia, Grin has sought help from others in waging war against her own family (and enlisting her children in it), a self-destructive course that only few are willing to aid. It is still possible for Grin to accept that there are many who care about the children who can assist her in getting the help she needs in order to achieve a decent life, both for herself and also for the children.