What is a mother? Aunt Molly’s open letter in defense of the children

Aunt Molly last summer with Sara, and her little cousin, Zoe, who adores and misses her

English version of Molly’s letter, published in the Corriere Fiorentino newspaper. Original in Italian is below.

Indifference, and Judicial System Without Humanity

Dear Director [of Corriere Fiorentino],

What is a mother? A mother is a person in that she is a vessel of diverse experiences – some even contradictory – including pain and pleasure, thoughts, hopes and prejudices, desires, or even self- love and hatred for others. What happens when this delicate balance is thrown off and the suffering of a psychiatric illness turns her world inside out and in doing so drags her children along with her? What happens when the mother, in this state of devastation, purports to be the owner of her own children and the fortress/prison that encloses them? What happens when all of her fears and her obsessions become the only walls of the world in which her children must remain?

In fleeing to Russia, her native country, Marianne Grin took her four children with her without worrying about their scholastic needs, their health, or their friends and family. It’s not just their father who is missing them, but also their uncles and aunt, their grandparents and their cousin. She took them with her, considering them objects that she possesses. And that is just how she treated them. When they were too burdensome for her she placed them in institutes and orphanages of Ultra-Orthodox Judaism to then be able to take them out when it was convenient for her in order to use them as weapons in the war waged against her husband.

Can a mother directly inject the poison of her insanity into the minds of her children and taint their entire future lives and imprint their psyches with the wounds of a suffering that is not even their own? In Italy you can, thanks to the complacent indifference of those who are supposed to be ordered by the law to prevent it.

The judicial authorities wipe their hands clean just like Pontius Pilate. In fact, they are the ones whose negligence and logically incoherent decisions permitted Marianne’s escape. And now they continue to take their time, and lose time, demonstrating supreme indifference towards the irremediable damage that their attitude will produce in the lives of these four children.

Bureaucracy has its timetable they say. And I respond to this that the “banality of evil” – as Hannah Arendt tells us – appears to present itself in the public institutions of every country involved here, Italy, Russia and the United States of America, and also in the religious institutions that Marianne used to her advantage.

Too many times we have been told by public officials and representative of religious communities that these are family problems that they can do nothing about. But I want to remind you here that if Marianne Grin fled to Russia illegally it is because of the unorganized Italian judicial system that gave her access to the children when they had a warning by the father’s lawyer with concerns about a potential attempt to flee, and it is the fault of a shameful complicity of a group of religious figures.

And if the children are still in Russia it is a because of the usual Italian justice system (it took 7 months to write one document – without effective consequences – where the Italian police are ordered to search for the children in Italy and in Russia); it is because of the Russian justice system that so far refuses to recognize the exclusive parental custody decision of the Italian court to the father; it is because of the absence of the direct involvement of all of the governments involved here, whether Italian, Russian or American, that simply demonstrate indifference regarding my niece and nephews, dual American and Russian citizens, born and raised in Italy, all of them legal residents in Italy, 3 of them born in Italy, but in fact, all Stateless and currently citizens of a No Man’s Land. And each of these public officials – who all speak different languages – says the same thing: we understand your pain, but we have to do our job.

With this letter I am addressing all of the authorities responsible here: Italian, Russian and American, is it really impossible to reconcile the timetables of bureaucracy and legal administration with that of the saving of the life of a human being?

Molly McIlwrath
The children’s aunt

Original Italian version, published together with articles about the refusal of Marianne Grin to permit the children to be visited by their long-time friends from Italy or their uncle, who came to see them in Russia from California.

L’INDIFFERENZA
E QUESTA GIUSTIZIA
SENZA UMANITÀ

Caro direttore, che cos’è una madre?

Una madre è una persona che, in quanto tale, è un contenitore di esperienze diverse e anche contraddittorie, di dolori e di piaceri, di pensieri, di speranze di pregiudizi, di desideri, di amore di sé, di odio per gli altri. Che cosa succede quando questo delicato equilibrio è turbato e il dolore — quello di una malattia psichiatrica — travolge una madre e con essa i suoi figli?

Che cosa succede quando la madre, in questo stato di devastazione, pretende di essere la proprietaria dei propri bambini, la fortezza carcere dentro cui chiuderli, con la scusa di proteggerli dal mondo? Che cosa succede quando tutte le sue paure, le sue ossessioni diventano le uniche pareti del mondo dentro cui i bambini devono stare?

Con questa fuga in Russia, il suo Paese nativo, Marianne si è portata dietro i suoi figli, senza preoccuparsi della loro esigenze scolastiche, dei problemi di salute, delle relazioni amicali e familiari. Qui non c’è solo il padre ad aspettarli, ma anche gli zii, i nonni, la cuginetta. Se li è portati dietro, considerandoli cose sue. E come tali li ha trattati.

Quando sono stati troppo ingombranti li ha depositati in istituti e orfanotrofi di ebrei ultraortodossi, per poi riprenderli quando le erano utili come armi da usare nella guerra al marito.

Può una madre, impunemente, instillare il veleno della propria follia nella mente dei figli, avvelenare la loro vita futura, marchiandoli con il fuoco di un dolore che non è loro?

In Italia si può, grazie anche alla complice indifferenza di chi invece dovrebbe essere deputato dalla legge ad evitarlo. L’autorità giudiziaria si lava le mani come Ponzio Pilato; eppure è questa che, con le sue negligenze e le sue decisioni logicamente incoerenti, ha permesso a Marianne la fuga. E ora continua a prendere tempo, a perdere tempo, dimostrando suprema indifferenza verso i danni irrimediabili che questo suo atteggiamento produrrà nelle vite dei bambini. La burocrazia ha i suoi tempi, ci dicono.

Ed io rispondo a questo che la «banalità del male» — come ci dice Hannah Arendt — sembra ripresentarsi nelle istituzioni pubbliche di ogni Paese coinvolto, Italia, Russia, Gli Stati Uniti, e anche nelle istituzioni religiose che Marianne ha usato a proprio vantaggio. Troppe volte ci siamo sentiti rispondere da pubblici ufficiali e rappresentanti di comunità religiose che questi sono problemi familiari rispetto ai quali loro non possono fare nulla.

Ma voglio qui ricordare che se Marianne è fuggita in Russia illegalmente è a causa della farraginosa macchina giudiziaria italiana che le ha consegnato i bambini quando a loro era già stato segnalato il pericolo di fuga, e a causa della colpevole complicità di alcuni religiosi. E se i bambini sono ancora in Russia è a causa dei tempi della solita giustizia italiana (7 mesi ci sono voluti per scrivere un documento — senza conseguenze effettive — con il quale si ordina alla polizia di ricercare i bambini in Italia e in Russia).

È a causa della giustizia russa che disconosce la decisione del tribunale italiano dell’affidamento esclusivo dei bambini al padre; è a causa dell’assenza di un intervento diretto dei governi coinvolti, quello italiano, quello russo e quello americano, che mostrano indifferenza sulla sorte dei miei nipoti, cittadini americani e russi, tutti e quattro residenti in Italia, tre di loro nati in Italia, ma di fatto, figli di una terra di nessuno.

E ognuno di questi pubblici ufficiali, che parlano lingue diverse, dicono la stessa cosa: comprendiamo il vostro dolore, ma noi dobbiamo fare il nostro lavoro.

Mi rivolgo a tutte le autorità responsabili qui, italiane, russe e americane: è davvero così impossibile conciliare i tempi dell’amministrazione della giustizia con la salvezza della vita di un essere umano?

Molly McIlwrath
Zia dei bambini

3 responses to “What is a mother? Aunt Molly’s open letter in defense of the children

  1. Italian fathers and mothers who suffer because parental alienation are supporting the international fight for bringing this children back home.

    http://www.alienazione.genitoriale.com/lettera-sul-caso-dei-bambini-sottratti-e-portati-in-russia-dalla-madre/

  2. Pingback: Lettera sul caso dei bambini sottratti e portati in Russia dalla madre | Alienazione Genitoriale

  3. The events described in this letter are almost identical to our personal experience. The differences are the countries involved and the religions – in our case Germany, Turkey, Holland and the UK and Christians and Muslims rather than Jewish and Christian. The police, social services and court system in Germany understood and experienced the extreme mental illness of our daughter-in-law yet allowed her to behave as she wished against their rulings. The final result was the tragic killing of our two little grandchildren by their mother last November..

    We beg all the authorities involved to take action now and avoid the repetition of our experience. Once is one too many.

    Jeanie and Nick Mellersh for the Mellersh family

Leave a Comment

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s